The Practice of Letting Go: Why Holding On Keeps You Stuck âŚPart 1
/Sometimes we try so hard to fix ourselves that we donât realize how much effort weâre putting into holding on.
We hold our breath. We brace. We clench our jaw. We hesitate before moving. Cross our arms or legs. We fidget. We change our posture. Our body is constantly making small adjustments to protect us, and often, we donât even notice weâre doing it.
Holding on can look different for everyone, it could be physical tension, the way you move carefully around pain. It can be the hesitation before taking a bigger step because the smaller step feels safer. And sometimes itâs emotional.
We can hold on to fear, grief, stress, trauma, the memory of what happened, or the fear that it could happen again. Holding on isnât necessarily a conscious decision. Itâs often something we learned because, at some point, it helped us feel safer.
For example, if your lower back hurts, maybe taking a smaller step feels safer than taking a bigger one. So you take the smaller step. Then another. And eventually, the smaller step becomes how you walk.
This new habit can feel safe, even when it isnât necessarily helping you anymore. And when one part of your body is continually protecting itself, the whole way you move will change. You could start limping. You might shift your weight. You avoid using one side of your body. And over time, those changes can affect how other parts of your body move and feel.
Your hip could be affectedâ your knee of your upper back, and in turn your posture. Now you have another layer to manage.
The pain creates protection. The protection changes how you move. The changed in movement creates more tension and pain. And the cycle continues.
Holding tension takes energy. It takes energy to brace. It takes energy to constantly monitor your body, your thoughts.
In short, itâs exhausting. When the pain doesnât seem to improve, these thought appear: Why am I not getting better? What if this never goes away? What if something is still wrong?
There is fear around the pain and fear can create even more protection.
This is something that is important to acknowledge.
Looked at closely, tension isnât only physical. There may be grief that hasnât been processed, a period of prolonged stress, trauma, fear, or a difficult life event that someone has been carrying alongside their physical pain.
This doesnât mean the pain is âall in your head.â It doesnât mean that everyone living with chronic pain has unresolved trauma. It means that sometimes the body is carrying more than the physical problem we started with. And letting go could require us to look at what else weâre holding.
That may be part of the work that needs attention. And that work is beyond what I do. When I recognize that a client needs support with something outside my scope, I encourage them to work with an appropriate mental-health professional.
Because sometimes the physical work and the emotional work need to happen at a deeper level alongside each other.
So why do we hold on?âŚ
(To be continued)